Hey

Hey is for horses.

Ok, I am fully aware that it's "hay" that is for horses, but you get the idea.

I absolutely, cannot stand when someone starts a virtual conversation this way.

Now, don't get me wrong, I say "hey" as much and anybody, but that's not what I hate. I hate when it stands alone. A single "hey" as if it's something of actual substance. "Hey" is not information to be shared. "Hey" is neither a verb, a noun, or any other part of legitimate speech. It is an interjection, and School House Rock taught us that "Interjections show excitement or emotion. They're generally set apart from the sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feelings not as strong". See that? Set apart from the sentence. For an interjection, in this case the word "hey" to hold any legitimate weight, it must be apart of a larger entity, working toward a bigger cause.

But come on, you know what I'm talking about. Someone texts you with just "hey".

Seriously? Seriously. Hey? Is that all you have to say to me? You took time out of your life to write the word "hey"? This word can indicated many things about a persons intentions.

How does one usually respond to a "hey"? With another "hey", of course. To which the first "hey"er will without any doubt, because this is exactly how predictable the human race is, will say "What's up?" Don't believe me? next time this happens to you, I bet you a dollar that it will go down that way, and I'll throw an extra 50 cents on it if they follow that "what's up" with an ever charming "lol". I know, I'm a big spender. When a person opens a conversation with a rouge "hey" it can mean several things. One of them being that they wish to talk to you, but have nothing to say. In which case, I say you probably shouldn't be talking if this is the case. What ever happened to the world where if someone didn't have anything to say, they just didn't say anything? Now, I know this seems kind of hypocritical, seeing as how I am an 18 year old Caucasian female with a blog, but bare with me.

If you're going to start a conversation, please have something to say. As previously established, the "hey" "hey" "what's up lol" conversation is very common, so why not cut out the awkwardness for the other person and start your conversation with "Hey, what's up?" or even easier, "What's up?". See, that's a question. It's inquisitive, and albeit not the cleverest of inquiries, it is an inquire, none the less. It's even better if you open with an actual topic of conversation, because nothing is more awkward than a "conversation" with someone you don't really know, about something you're not really sure of.

"Hey."

*Awkward time in which the recipient of the the text tries to figure out what to say*

"Hey."

"What's up? lol"

*Awkward time in which recipient tries to figure out what so was funny about that question that made this person elaborate with and "lol"*

"Nothing much."

BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS NOTHING THAT'S HAPPENING.

Seriously, I bet you another 50 cents that next time you ask someone "what's up?" providing you're not bffs or whatever, they will reply with "nothing much". Because our lives are THAT boring, obviously. Actually what it is, is an inborn rejection of the mass digital media. We know, deep down that for this many people to have access to our information and even to us is not natural. So we put up defenses, we say that nothing much is happening, because seriously, you don't really want to know whats up. You don't care that much.

Another thing about "hey" (Yeah, I'm still going) is that it's rude. It's a call for attention, a demand in fact. To ignore a "hey" is to ignore someones demand on your time. It's like, seriously, you're wasting not only your time, but mine for a mundane conversation? You couldn't think of one intelligent ting to say? Is your time and your God given ability to think as an intelligent creature that invaluable to you?

So do me a favor. Next time you're tempted to start a conversation off with a "hey", stop, and think of something really clever or funny to say instead. I know you're dying to talk to this person because they're, like such a babe, but trust me, if their level of intelligence is higher that that of a squirrel, they'll feel awkward with an interjection standing on it's own. Think of something funny like "Hey, I just saw a fish riding a recumbent down the highway. Thought of you."