Douchebags

In every social setting, there can be found different types of people. College is no different. And while the distinction and segregation of people is less than in the adolescent world, there is one type of person that always has, and always will be around.

I'm talking about, of course, the douchebag.

You might be asking, "What is a douchebag?". Urban Dictionary defines a douchebag as: An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.

Ironically enough, the word "Intelligence" was misspelled on the UD sight. Lolyers.

The douchebag is usually pretty easy to spot, thanks to these helpful indicators.

- Tapout. If you're walking down the street and you see a white male, dressed in Tapout clothing of any kind, avoid at all cost. This brand has become a womans best friend, it's like a date rape alert system. Thanks Tapout, for letting me know that this guy will verbally harass me, before it happens.

-Sideways trucker hat. I have nothing against baseball hats, if you're actually playing baseball. I make the distinction between a regular baseball cap and a trucker hat for one main reason. While I'm repulsed by the wearing of billed hats for the most part, there are a select few, who can pull it off. But you have to have a certain level of non-douche. But only if it's a regular baseball hat. Perhaps for a team that you violently support, or if it carries sentimental value. Backwards or forwards, is alright, if you meet the qualifiers. You cannot wear it sideways. Thats a dead give away. It says to the world "Yeah, I know I'm supposed to wear this a certain way, but I'm a rebel. Take THAT!" Take that hat off of your buzzed head, you are not a rebel.
-Bling. I'm pretty sure that we're calling it bling now. Maybe ice, or frosting? I try to keep up with the crazy kids. But in any event, this is a new indicator that I've recently discovered. If he wears large diamond studs in his ears, he might be a douchebag. If he wears multiple necklaces, he might be a douchebag. If he wears a rosary, and is not Catholic, he might be a douchebag. The list goes on and on.

- Sports Shirts. No, sir, you are not LeBron James. I don't know what would possess you to think that you are. Alright, I'll just say that not all guys who wear sports shirts are douchebags, (a friend and I do however have bad experience with the LeBron jersey,) There are different levels. If you see a group of guys all wearing sports paraphernalia of teams to which they do not belong, you can pretty much bank on them all being jerks. If you see a guy in a Kaká jersey, he'll probably be a really cool guy. Pretty much everything in between is pretty difficult to discern.

While all of these things are characteristics of a douchebag, I have recently learned that it is not always as easy as I had previously thought. I have discovered the sneaky douchebag. This guy does not don himself in Tapout clothing, or possess any "swag", but he might be the king douche. You have to look out for these kinds of guys. And while there is no hard and fast way to detect these kinds of sneaky douchebags, the eyes usually give him away. Make sure you look in his eyes, people. There'll be a look there that says "Yeah, I'm awesome. The sun rose this morning because I'm awesome. The plants turn carbon dioxide into oxygen because I'm awesome. Look at me while I sit here, arms crossed, pushing out my awesome muscles. I'm awesome."

The reciprocal is true. Sometimes a guy will have every the outward trait of a douche, but if you really look in his eyes, you'll see something quite the opposite. Take cute-arm-compression-guy from WSU. He dressed like a douche, he hangs out with douches, but if you really look in his eyes you see that he disproves of their douchey shenanigans, their obnoxious behavior and the fact that they talk at a normal volume the entire duration of a Sociology class.

Yes, this is to you, Soc class douchebags! I thought there were only two of you, but somehow, today I got stuck behind, next to and in front of the most incomprehensible idiots I have ever encountered. It's partly my own fault. I don't get to class early enough to get a good seat closer to the professor, but for the love of all that is good and pure in this world, could you please shut you incredibly chapped mouth for an hour and half? It's not that hard. If I can be quiet for that long, anyone can. I know that what you have to say is INCREDIBLY important, but everyone around you wants to rip your Claires earing from your ears and stab you repeatedly in the jugular.

Thank you.

The crack head who scheduled me first quarter

Ok, so I think to show the strength of my happiness right now, I should make a list of things that are in my life before I start complaining.

In no particular order:

I love college. Like seriously. I didn't think I could love school this much. It's pretty sweet. All you young'ins be looking forward to it.

My friends are pretty boss. I've met some truly extraordinary people.

I'm going home this weekend to see my momma, seesters, brover, my grandparents, my amazing amazing cousins and the love of my life, Emily. I'm also going to be seeing my Acting Up loves in Wizard. Oh, and I'm also going to be hanging out with one Katherine Pedigo. This might be the best weekend ever.

I recently discovered my copy of The Screwtape Letters and upon smelling it (yes, smelling it) I have resolved that it smells exactly like Clive himself.

I'm currently drinking some really delicious chocolate milk.

I'd been praying a lot about finding a good church to get with before I was here on campus. I kinda stressed about it a lot, but then God was like "Oh hey Kirsten, you silly girl. Why do you worry about these things? I got this one." *Plops Crosswalk in my lap* Thanks God! You're like, the coolest, no lie.

I watched the Deathly Hallows Part 1 trailer and BY GREAT THORS HAMMER THAT WAS AMAZING! I have never been this excited for a move. Ever.

I also started rereading Deathly Hallows for the 85th time. And I guess I'd forgotten how much I love Harry Potter in the rush that is college, but now I remember. OOOOHHH do I remember. I'll shout it from the roof tops. I. LOVE. HARRY. POTTER.

Also, I just looked in the mirror, and my hair looks kind of fabulous today. Thanks hair.

But, what would I be, if I wasn't a pessimist?

Well, an optimist, I guess. Which would be preferable at times I suppose. But where's the fun in that?

Everywhere, you respond.

But whatever. Now onto the things that are not good. The list is less extensive, but knowing me I'll dwell on the awful.

My roommate, Catie, God love her, is ill. Now before you assume that my life is gloomy because of friends ailments, allow me to say that because she's sick, she snores. Thusly I have not been able to get adequate sleep. Wa wa wa. But now, because I was a jerk about it, I think I'm coming down with whatever she had/has. Come on golden immune system, don't fail me now.

Also, I over slept this morning. I over slept for my only class of the day. I over slept for my only class of the day that begins at 8:30 in the morning. So now I don't have anything today. I guess I'll use my time to finish my English assignment... or maybe blog. Yeah, I think I'll blog. That sounds like a more productive use of my time.

But who schedules one class for the day? Like, for real? I'm sure my academic advisor is super nice and everything, but who sits there and says "Hey, lets give this person on class super early and then nothing else for the rest of the day."

Do your homework, Kirsten. Get involved in something, Kirsten. Get a job, Kirsten.

Hey tiny voice of reason! You keep out of this. I'm complaining!

So now that I nothing to do today I'll probably end up doing my English essay, read Deathly Hallows and grumble about missing Soc class.

Meh. Not amused. I really enjoy my sociology class. The teacher is interesting and provocative, and I can't wait to get into a real discussion with her because I can already tell that a lot of her ideas are the polar opposite of my own. And seriously, I spend an hour and a half studying people. For a creeper like me, there's nothing better. I'm no Ravenclaw, but I do enjoy learning, and if there's any part of school that I do like it's the actual lecture.

So when I guess that was the first college class I skipped. I should take a picture and put it up next to my clay hand print form Kindergarten and Orchids. Milestones baby.

That guy standing in the Quad yelling at people

Ok, I'm really riled about this, and it just happened to me, so forgive any grammatical errors that I'm sure will occur.
So you know that guy who was going to burn the Quran? yeah, I think I just met his cousin or something.
I'm walking to the library, which, according to an upper classman I talked to moments before this happened, automatically stamps the word FRESHMAN on my forehead. I'm on my merry little way when I see this middle aged guy standing on the raised grass in the quad, holding a bible, yelling.
Oh crap.
First off, anyone who carries a bible in their hand and makes a fool of themselves makes me want to punch babies. Seriously. Could you try to be articulate about your beliefs and not just solidify the notion that all Christians are idiots?
As he continues to yell about nothing in particular, I see that a few recognizable people from the WSU "Free Thought Club" were gathering around.
My thoughts on the Free Thought Club: I find it somewhat ironic that they advertise for "free thought" yet only adhere to the atheist/agnostic view. What if I'm a Muslim who loves free thought. Or a Christian who loves free thought? Am I not allowed in? So they should really just call themselves the Atheist/Agnostic club. That makes a lot more sense.
Ok, back to the incident. I see that this guy is screaming at one of the free thought kids. Way to be the mature one there, buddy.
I pass by. Don't make eye contact. Don't associate with this guy.
I say a little prayer, "God, please just let this guy shut up soon."
But as I'm approaching the library a thought pops into my head. Go back. Oh hey there little voice in my head that convinces me to make right choices. Nice to hear from you again.
So, I go back, not really sure of what I'm going to say. Maybe I'll chastise him for being such a poor representation of Christ. Maybe I'll tell him that he makes me sad and walk away justified.
When I get there he is still screaming at this guy. Crazy dude is trying to explain the dead sea scrolls in a really awful way, and free thought guy is just screaming "JESUS ISN'T REAL! JESUS ISN'T REAL!"
Is this what Jesus had in mind when he said "Go into all the world and preach the gospel." Two incredibly closed minded people in a screaming match. Neither one able to convince the other? That doesn't remind me of Jesus at all.
In the midst of this, I raise my hand (once again, probably labeling me as a freshman) and very politely ask "Can I ask you something?"
"Hang on!' he yells at me, and turns back to continue his pointless argument.
A few more people gather around, a few start trolling him. "Do gingers have souls?" "Let's start a rousing chorus of 'God Dammit'".
"You should wash your mouth out with soap!" He replies. I really have no point to make with this one, I just thought it was funny. I mean, seriously, who even says that?
He continues with his screaming. He's red in the face as he makes a really poorly constructed argument. Ugh. Come on, this one is so easy dude. But because he's yelling and arguing, no one will even listen to try to understand his point. Way to be weird yelling guy.
But once I get my chance to talk to him, I don't really know what to say, so I kind of just wing it.
"Do you really think this is an effective way to reach these people for Christ?"
He immediately gets defensive. "Oh," he yells "So what are you? A Muslim, and Atheist?"
"I'm a Christ Follower."
He looks at me like he didn't understand what I had said.
"A Christ Follower?"
"Yes, and i really don't think this is an effective way to get people to listen to the gospel. You're making me really sad."
Then he goes off at me. Yelling about how this is exactly what Paul did and Peter and even Jesus. he made claims that I hadn't read the story of Paul and even that I hadn't read the bible. I try to continue a real conversation with him, but all he does is yell.
This guy sitting on the stone wall next to me, just looks at me and says "He's just trying to piss you off."
"Yeah, he is pissing me off."
He was pissing every body off.
I felt pretty helpless, in that situation. I mean, he wasn't listening to me. Every time I tried to speak, even going as far as saying "Can you be quiet and let me talk?" he shut me down. It was as if he were incapable of hearing anything but his own voice.
"Do you know why I do this?!" He screams at me "Because for four years no Christians shared the gospel with me!"
"That's very sad." I reply calmly.
"Yes, it is." and it's almost as if he hadn't expected anyone to reply that way.
And in that moment when his face relaxed, I saw how much tension and hatred had been held there.
Just as I thought this, a girl behind me chimes in.
"You gotta do it out of love!"
"What's that?" the man yells. It's kind of like he has no other register.
"Out of love man. You can't be screaming at everybody who disagrees with you. That's not what Jesus did."
"And you know what Jesus did?! Have you read the bible?!"
"Yes! I have, I carry my bible with me!"
And there she goes, pulling out the sword. She carries, not the pocket bible. Not just the New Testament. She doesn't have it on her iPod or Blackberry. Huge, in a leather case, and most likely filled with papers and notes, comes her bible from her purse. Way to be awesome girl.
What happened next truly surprised me.
Applause.
The crowd of "Free thinkers" and Christians alike were applauding this wonderful, strong, brave sister of mine.
The soap box guy, however was not.
"Have you read it cover to cover?!" he shouts.
"Yes, I have."
"Then you know what Jesus and Peter and Paul did! They did exactly what I'm doing now."
"No, they didn't. They did it out of love. There is no love here." Then she addresses the crowd. "Y'all need to leave. He's just trying to make you angry. You gotta do it out of love."
As she walks away, this guy who is trying to 'profess' Christ, hurls out insults at her.
"Oh, so you're a bible scholar? You've read the whole bible? You know everything?" Every word out of his mouth is cutting and condescending.
"No," she turns "I'm just a Christ Follower."
Holy crap, do I love this person!
And then I realized why I had to go back. Did I change the heart of that guy? No. Probably not. He's probably going to be there more throughout the year, and probably at other universities. But maybe we might have reached someone in that crowd. Or maybe not. Maybe someone saw that not all "Christians" are raving, chemically imbalanced, unreasonable lunatics. Or maybe not. But something might have started. And that's all that matters.
She really couldn't have said it any better. You gotta do it out of love. That's the thing that will make the differance in someones life. Did Jesus stand on hills preaching? Yes. But he did it out of love. And so did Paul, and so did Peter and every other great saint who professed Christ. Because that's really what Jesus is all about. "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:17.
I don't know that girl who pulled out her bible, but everything that she said were all the things that I wanted to say, but didn't know how. I don't know two things about her, except that she's my sister. And that's all it took for something to maybe start.

Facebook overshare

Facebook might be the greatest invention of all time.

Ok, maybe and an elaboration, but I do love facebook. Oh, book of face, the songs I could write to you and your time wasting, creep inducing shenanigans. You're my best friend.

I was recently involved in one of those "icebreaker" games where you try to find people in the room who could match up to a phrase on a page. One of them was "Does not have a facebook." I couldn't find anyone. We eventually had to just remove that part from the page, since everyone in the whole freaking world has facebook.

But there are some things I don't like about it. Over share. Apparently some people lack the tact to not jut put whatever enters their mind on the internet. It's destroying our ability to communicate in that respect. (But I still love it. A main motif of this post is Kirsten love facebook.)

Maybe as a society we've lost all sense of propriety but some of the things I see there, posted by people who I know to be intelligent, make me want to vomit.

I have comprised a list of thing I do not want to see. You should abide by them. Because, you know... your world revolves around me. Obviously.

1. Kissing picture.

Ok, I know you think you and your girlfriend are sooooo cutteeeee and that picture of you two making out is proof of your true love, but no one else wants to see that. Its just kind of trashy. No, it's actually really trashy. Just please, I think I speak for everyone when I say, take that picture down. I assure you, no one wants to see your tongue down her throat.

2. The passive aggressive status.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of passive aggression. I use it regularly in many different forms, but the thing about being passive aggressive is that you should really do it in person, or it looses all effect. Nothing can beat the satisfaction of a perfectly executed "Hey, can you, like, be quiet? Thanks." to a couple of douche lords in sociology class. But on facebook its just weird. We all know the status is directed toward someone. When you put it as your status it just means you want the world to see you do it. And putting it on the internet takes the personal value away from the cathartic action. It either means you're afraid to actually say it to the person at whom you are mad, or you just want attention. Neither of which are admirable.

3. The over sharing status.

I am a creep. And I enjoy it when I know exactly whats going on in your life, but I assure you that its purely for my own entertainment. Its kind of like watching Secret Life of the American Teenager. It's painful, I mock and I'm reminded of how much I enjoy possessing tact. Ok, we get it, you broke up with your boyfriend. You're sad. You're sorry. Tell him for goodness sake! Don't tell us. We really don't care that much. Yeah, yeah, you're missin' your girl. Is that seriously all you're doing? Really? Your whole life revolves around missing this person? Take my advice and tell her. She'll really appropriate it, I promise.

And likewise, going along with the over share, we do not need your itinerary for the day. We do not care that you are going to school, then the gym, then homework, then hangin' wit your girls then idk. If anyone cared that much about your day they would ask.

4. The cheesy song lyric.

I am not soulless. I really enjoy having song lyrics as my status. I particularly enjoy it if it relates to a specific moment or event in my life. But I feel like theres a certain point. Don't post heartbroken lyrics. Thats just desperate and makes everyone feel awkward. Especially the person you mean to see it. Because they know... they always know. Trust me. Just because it's a song doesn't make your decision to post them any less intentional.

And please, do not post the lyrics to California Gurls unless you are actually from California. I shouldn't have to explain why I felt the need to say this.

5. Miscellaneous.

If you're 10, you probably shouldn't have a facebook. If you're on farmvilve, please don't send me invites, and know that you're most likely blocked from my news feed. If you're sad about something, go talk to someone. Don't vomit on the internet. If you must picnic, please make it classy.

Well boys and girls, that's all. Happy Facebooking. Try not to annoy me.

*Insert title of your choosing here*

I am an attractive person. This was made perfectly clear by the creeper in the WSU tunnel system today.

I was descending the stairs from the library to the basement when I hear something weird. I think it's coming from my bag so I look behind me only to see a guy right behind me. I'm somewhat startled but he starts laughing at me so I laugh back. I explain that I thought my bag was making a weird noise and that I didn't hear him, thus the startledness. He smiles, I smile, I hold the door for him, awkward interaction over.

As I make my way to the exit closest to my dorm I think he's behind me again. It's like when you say goodbye to someone and then you start walking the same direction. Ok, scratch that. It's exactly that. It's awkward and while I tend to cause a lot of awkward situations, I'm not the biggest fan of them.

Only it's not the same dude. It's a much smaller creepier guy, who when he passes me, looks me up and down and said "Oh, you cute, you real pretty."

Reeeally? I had no idea. Thanks, my self esteem is all boosted up now thanks to you. Do you have a horse? or perhaps an private island to which you want whisk me off ?

I give him a placating nod and try my hardest to fall back, giving a reasonable distance between us. All the while replaying Buffy combat sequences in my head.

Gee, thanks really creepy guy. That means a lot. I know these things. I have a symmetrical face and a nice rack. It's the way the world turns.

Now please don't assume that I say these tings with any amount of pride. I see very little point in taking credit for, or even being prideful over something that I don't control in the least. I've never understood why a certain face or body type is attractive to people. I once had a completely half baked theory that we are attracted to "beautiful" people so we can have good looking kids. But for what? So they can mate and have even better looking kids? So that in the end everyone is attractive? That really makes zero sense. It's superficial and stupid and if taken as a logical fact, one could conclude that our entire purpose in life is to be attractive. As far as I know being good looking really has no survival value past the one we place on it.

So rather than being flattered that some weird college kid found me attractive, I was somewhat offended. I would have been more flattered if he would have said "Wow, you're really smart." Or "You have such a winning personality." But I guess that can't be seen. (Actually I would have preferred it if he would have said "You have bewitched me body and soul and I love... I love... I love you." And if he looked like Nick Jonas. On a horse. In Knights armor.) But circumstances as they were, I began to think. Shocker.

I've always been relatively attractive. I could never control that. I mean, seriously, if you know my mother, she's smokin'. But I never put any stock into it. Maybe I was raised this way, but who I actually am just seems infinity more important.

It bothers me to no end when a "pretty" person gets away with being a complete moron. For some reason physical appearance outweighs mental capacity. There are these two African American kids on Wright States campus who wear blue colored contacts. Ok, first off, I cannot think of anything more stupid than colored contacts. Especially for these guys. Seriously, I know your eyes are brown. Your poor skill with putting them in leaves the real color poking out.

At the risk of being a total creeper I won't name names, but the most beautiful people I know are the ones who are beautiful on the inside. And yes, I know that like the corniest thing ever, but it's true. I think that compassion, wit, courage, patience and honor are much more valuable to a person than something as fleeting as looks. Because in all actuality, our physical appearance diminishes. One day I might be as fat as a cow with a mustache that I can no longer control. And honestly, there's enough of the world in me that the idea kind of scares me, but when I really think about it, I think I'd be ok with it. Because I know that deep down I've always had the personality of an ugly girl in a pretty girls body. I guess thats what I'd call it, the people who I really like. The personality of an ugly person. Because your stereotypical"pretty" person is rude, mean, self-centered and stupid. So if I really think about it, I'd rather be not so "cute," (Oh, I could rant about the word cute. And probably will someday).

So yeah... I can't really think of anything meaningful or clever to say for a close, so insert clever statement of your choosing here.

My forsight of a 12 year old

Hello there blog. Haven't seen you in a while.

I've been super busy, with moving into WSU and partying like it's 1999. (Just kidding, but I am having fun) And thusly my blogging has suffered. So if you're one of the 2 people besides my mother who reads this, and actually cares, I'm sorry.

But yeah, college. Kind of a big deal I guess. It's pretty awesome. I adore my roommates and have met some pretty boss people. So far it's been pretty stellar, but then again, classes have yet to start. Catch me in a few days, then see how I feel.

Anyone whose ever moved into a dorm, knows that packing is stressful. Ok, that's an understatement, it's like ripping your teeth out one by one whilst attempting to do that tap dance from singing in the rain. Painful and frustrating. It's even more frustrating when you spend upwards of two days preparing, only to arrive at my dorm and realize that I have forgotten something incredibly vital.

The first night, there came a point when I was ready to get out of my jeans, but not quite ready for pajamas. It's that hour before bed where sweat pants are the worlds most perfect invention. I would say that I call it the sweat pants hour, but that would be lying. I hadn't put that much thought into it.

As you can probably guess, I forgot them. Completely forgot anything resembling sweat pants.

I then put it on the mental list of things I've forgotten.

The list is extensive. And sad. And embarrassing. But here goes.

Sweat pants *mentioned above

Hoodies

Socks

Shampoo

Socks

Foundation

Eyeliner

Flip flops

Chapstick (Seriously, I'm dying here)

Nail polish remover

Sunglasses

Arrested Development DVDs

Water bottle

My cactus

knives

Body wash

Cardigans

Laundry detergent

Laundry basket

I'm sure the list is longer, but this is everything I can think of at this moment.

I did however remember to bring:

Harry Potter books 1 and 7

The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures

A very expensive tin of tea and steeper

Sweaters (Very weather appropriate, I know)

And thats about every random thing I can think of. Awesome.

So at this point every stupid thing I forget I just get more angry. And since I can't really do anything about it, and I'm super awkward, I kind of just internalize it and it becomes entertaining to all around. So I guess, at least there's that.