Douchebags

In every social setting, there can be found different types of people. College is no different. And while the distinction and segregation of people is less than in the adolescent world, there is one type of person that always has, and always will be around.

I'm talking about, of course, the douchebag.

You might be asking, "What is a douchebag?". Urban Dictionary defines a douchebag as: An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.

Ironically enough, the word "Intelligence" was misspelled on the UD sight. Lolyers.

The douchebag is usually pretty easy to spot, thanks to these helpful indicators.

- Tapout. If you're walking down the street and you see a white male, dressed in Tapout clothing of any kind, avoid at all cost. This brand has become a womans best friend, it's like a date rape alert system. Thanks Tapout, for letting me know that this guy will verbally harass me, before it happens.

-Sideways trucker hat. I have nothing against baseball hats, if you're actually playing baseball. I make the distinction between a regular baseball cap and a trucker hat for one main reason. While I'm repulsed by the wearing of billed hats for the most part, there are a select few, who can pull it off. But you have to have a certain level of non-douche. But only if it's a regular baseball hat. Perhaps for a team that you violently support, or if it carries sentimental value. Backwards or forwards, is alright, if you meet the qualifiers. You cannot wear it sideways. Thats a dead give away. It says to the world "Yeah, I know I'm supposed to wear this a certain way, but I'm a rebel. Take THAT!" Take that hat off of your buzzed head, you are not a rebel.
-Bling. I'm pretty sure that we're calling it bling now. Maybe ice, or frosting? I try to keep up with the crazy kids. But in any event, this is a new indicator that I've recently discovered. If he wears large diamond studs in his ears, he might be a douchebag. If he wears multiple necklaces, he might be a douchebag. If he wears a rosary, and is not Catholic, he might be a douchebag. The list goes on and on.

- Sports Shirts. No, sir, you are not LeBron James. I don't know what would possess you to think that you are. Alright, I'll just say that not all guys who wear sports shirts are douchebags, (a friend and I do however have bad experience with the LeBron jersey,) There are different levels. If you see a group of guys all wearing sports paraphernalia of teams to which they do not belong, you can pretty much bank on them all being jerks. If you see a guy in a Kaká jersey, he'll probably be a really cool guy. Pretty much everything in between is pretty difficult to discern.

While all of these things are characteristics of a douchebag, I have recently learned that it is not always as easy as I had previously thought. I have discovered the sneaky douchebag. This guy does not don himself in Tapout clothing, or possess any "swag", but he might be the king douche. You have to look out for these kinds of guys. And while there is no hard and fast way to detect these kinds of sneaky douchebags, the eyes usually give him away. Make sure you look in his eyes, people. There'll be a look there that says "Yeah, I'm awesome. The sun rose this morning because I'm awesome. The plants turn carbon dioxide into oxygen because I'm awesome. Look at me while I sit here, arms crossed, pushing out my awesome muscles. I'm awesome."

The reciprocal is true. Sometimes a guy will have every the outward trait of a douche, but if you really look in his eyes, you'll see something quite the opposite. Take cute-arm-compression-guy from WSU. He dressed like a douche, he hangs out with douches, but if you really look in his eyes you see that he disproves of their douchey shenanigans, their obnoxious behavior and the fact that they talk at a normal volume the entire duration of a Sociology class.

Yes, this is to you, Soc class douchebags! I thought there were only two of you, but somehow, today I got stuck behind, next to and in front of the most incomprehensible idiots I have ever encountered. It's partly my own fault. I don't get to class early enough to get a good seat closer to the professor, but for the love of all that is good and pure in this world, could you please shut you incredibly chapped mouth for an hour and half? It's not that hard. If I can be quiet for that long, anyone can. I know that what you have to say is INCREDIBLY important, but everyone around you wants to rip your Claires earing from your ears and stab you repeatedly in the jugular.

Thank you.