Ok, maybe and an elaboration, but I do love facebook. Oh, book of face, the songs I could write to you and your time wasting, creep inducing shenanigans. You're my best friend.
I was recently involved in one of those "icebreaker" games where you try to find people in the room who could match up to a phrase on a page. One of them was "Does not have a facebook." I couldn't find anyone. We eventually had to just remove that part from the page, since everyone in the whole freaking world has facebook.
But there are some things I don't like about it. Over share. Apparently some people lack the tact to not jut put whatever enters their mind on the internet. It's destroying our ability to communicate in that respect. (But I still love it. A main motif of this post is Kirsten love facebook.)
Maybe as a society we've lost all sense of propriety but some of the things I see there, posted by people who I know to be intelligent, make me want to vomit.
I have comprised a list of thing I do not want to see. You should abide by them. Because, you know... your world revolves around me. Obviously.
1. Kissing picture.
Ok, I know you think you and your girlfriend are sooooo cutteeeee and that picture of you two making out is proof of your true love, but no one else wants to see that. Its just kind of trashy. No, it's actually really trashy. Just please, I think I speak for everyone when I say, take that picture down. I assure you, no one wants to see your tongue down her throat.
2. The passive aggressive status.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of passive aggression. I use it regularly in many different forms, but the thing about being passive aggressive is that you should really do it in person, or it looses all effect. Nothing can beat the satisfaction of a perfectly executed "Hey, can you, like, be quiet? Thanks." to a couple of douche lords in sociology class. But on facebook its just weird. We all know the status is directed toward someone. When you put it as your status it just means you want the world to see you do it. And putting it on the internet takes the personal value away from the cathartic action. It either means you're afraid to actually say it to the person at whom you are mad, or you just want attention. Neither of which are admirable.
3. The over sharing status.
I am a creep. And I enjoy it when I know exactly whats going on in your life, but I assure you that its purely for my own entertainment. Its kind of like watching Secret Life of the American Teenager. It's painful, I mock and I'm reminded of how much I enjoy possessing tact. Ok, we get it, you broke up with your boyfriend. You're sad. You're sorry. Tell him for goodness sake! Don't tell us. We really don't care that much. Yeah, yeah, you're missin' your girl. Is that seriously all you're doing? Really? Your whole life revolves around missing this person? Take my advice and tell her. She'll really appropriate it, I promise.
And likewise, going along with the over share, we do not need your itinerary for the day. We do not care that you are going to school, then the gym, then homework, then hangin' wit your girls then idk. If anyone cared that much about your day they would ask.
4. The cheesy song lyric.
I am not soulless. I really enjoy having song lyrics as my status. I particularly enjoy it if it relates to a specific moment or event in my life. But I feel like theres a certain point. Don't post heartbroken lyrics. Thats just desperate and makes everyone feel awkward. Especially the person you mean to see it. Because they know... they always know. Trust me. Just because it's a song doesn't make your decision to post them any less intentional.
And please, do not post the lyrics to California Gurls unless you are actually from California. I shouldn't have to explain why I felt the need to say this.
5. Miscellaneous.
If you're 10, you probably shouldn't have a facebook. If you're on farmvilve, please don't send me invites, and know that you're most likely blocked from my news feed. If you're sad about something, go talk to someone. Don't vomit on the internet. If you must picnic, please make it classy.
Well boys and girls, that's all. Happy Facebooking. Try not to annoy me.
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