Ice

One of my least favorite things of all time is ice. I know it sounds weird, but there it is.

I’d like to talk to the guy who invented ice.

Now, I’m aware that it’s God, and upon further thought I realized that if I were God and I invented ice, I’d be pretty pissed if someone had as much distain for it as I do. Seriously, I’d be like, “Dude, I just created ICE! I made a solid form of Hydrogen and Oxygen. That’s freaking awesome man!” But as it stands, I really really don’t like ice.

It’s cold, and it hurts my teeth. The sound of ice against ice is like nails down a chalk board for me. I don’t remember when this all started, but I can clearly recall my first memory of ice.

It was at a large family gathering at my grandparents and in all the hustle and bustle of preparing for a meal, an 8 year can get lost in the shuffle.

Just kidding, I was forced to do boring and largely unnecessary tasks. Oh family.

My task, this particular day, was retrieving ice from the basement freezer. And while it doesn’t sound that bad, I somehow knew that I, deep down in my soul, hated ice with a fervent passion.

It’s not a normal thing, I know, but the sound of ice rubbing against ice makes me want to pull out my own hair. This simple task of retrieving ice became one of the most frustrating and awful experiences of my childhood.

That sounds pathetic, but there it is.

I also hate the function of ice. Whoever thought it’d be a good idea to put ice in a drink that is not water needs to have something uncomfortable happen to them.

I don’t understand why it’s a good idea to put a cube of solid, slowly melting water into a glass of, lets say, grape soda. Soon you end up with less grape soda, and more of a disgusting watered down flat purple drink. Is it really that hard to chill a 2 liter?

Or we could go with my idea. And I intend this purely for hydration purposes. We freeze the particular drink we are going to later consume, and use those cubes to chill our drink. Then when it melts into the room temperature beverage, it doesn’t taste like it’s for a 5 year old with ADD.

But there’s still the problem of the sensation against your teeth.

*shudders*